Thursday 16 May 2013

How to Wear White Pants if You're Not an Old Navy Model

The last time I wore white pants I was in grade 9.  I wore those white Levis button-fly jeans rolled, unrolled and with everything in my closet.  Ah, the good ol' days before many of you were born...  Since then, I have been understandably frightened of white pants.  I have basically been dirty since 2003 when I got my first puppy, and I was relatively clean then compared the the mess three kids incur.  Then there's the old adage that light colours make you look larger.  Maybe that's why fancy models wear all white - so that they can show up.  Then there's the undergarment issue.  Well, I recently found a pair of white denim at VV Boutique for $6.30 and figured that was a fair price to pay to conquer my fears.
 Blue stripe top $4.20 VV Boutique
Red shoes and accessories from my closet

Let's break it down.

Problem one: dirty.
Solution: my go-to for stains is using a bar of Sunlight soap and a toothbrush, followed by a good wash with some oxy.  The other solution besides yelling at your kids to stay away is to wear an apron.  I get dressed before entering the World of Downstairs, and put on an apron as soon as I cross the threshold.  It's like Narnia.  Same thing at the end of the day; I take off my coat and put on my apron.  I realize that makes me sound 94 years old.  Haters gonna hate.  Try it and you will discover the magic of the apron.

Problem two: undergarments
Solution: a little back story... on Mother's Day, there was a woman at the ice cream shop with her three children and I could see her elastic-band thong at the top of her pants.  That's swell for her but ain't happening for me.  Because sooner or later the pants come off and then it's just me and an elastic and that is a hideous visual.  I digress.  My point is that, we know you're wearing panties.  So who cares about panty lines.  I frankly would rather see them than not see them.  That being said, nude or light undergarments under white pants are your best bet for not drawing the eye unnecessarily to your rear.  Unlike what I'm about to do...
I am wearing white granny panties in case you're interested.

I am showing my rear view for educational purposes.  These pants have spandex in them and are prone to stretching and sliding.  This AWESOME incredible Flatter Me belt fixes that pronto without adding any bulk.  For anyone whose pants gape at the back waistband, go get yourself this belt.  It is adjustable from size 2 to 22, shipping is $3 in Canada and the designer is a home-grown local gal.  It's certainly cheaper than altering all your pants, and it looks great "invisible" or as a component of your outfitThe Flatter Me belt makes cheap pants viable.  I think everyone needs one.  Or more. 

Problem three: balance
Solution: White pants are pretty easy to style since they go with everything.  My style mentor does uphold that lighter colours look larger on; I'm not convinced but I can buy the argument for balance.  Maybe that's why I was drawn to horizontal stripes in a dark colour up top.  The stripes balance the bottom-white, the dark navy balances the white. 
 This top had belt loops in the wrong place for me so I just cut them off and wore it like a long tee.
I also added a cardi for more colour, pattern mixing and interest.
Accessories are a given.
 I prefer a trifecta of earrings, necklace and arm party.

White pants, you don't scare me anymore.  I am going to mess you up and wear you out.  In a good way.


  1. That's a pretty good bum! I enjoyed the red and white tee as well.

    I will be ordering a Flatter MeBelt...important to mention fits up to 24X!
    Shipping is only $3

    I am looking for my own white pants this weekend!

    1. Added that info to the post! Did you look on line at the belts? So many cute options! Good luck on your white pants hunt!

  2. BRAVE! I have every colour of jeans in my closet... Except white. But I think you might have changed my mind! They aren't so kid friendly though.. So I might test them out when I'm on a rare childless day out. Granny panties and ALL! ... I still wear my maternity ginch.. TMI? Oh well. ;)

    1. Not TMI lol but girl! Go get some new panties! You deserve it! BTW I wore these white pants at home WITH my dirty kids - just wore an apron! Then I wore them to work in preschool with other people's dirty kids. It can be done!!! (and for $6.30, why not?!!)

  3. I know Claire Theaker=Brown of Flatter:Me Belts and she is as awesome as her belts!


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